CKY - Carver City (Roadrunner, 2009)

I got a funny story about CKY. Well, funny in a horrible way. I own a CKY shirt. I wore it to school one day back in freshman year (of high school), when you could still wear any shirt you wanted and not a school uniform shirt. This day also happened to be the day of a memorial for a senior girl who committed suicide. CKY stands for Camp Kill Yourself. Granted, no one but me and maybe two other people at school knew this and I had no idea it was the day of the memorial (I'm not that much of a dick) but I didn't attend, regardless. This story kind of gives you an insight to the humor of the band. They're funny guys who like horror movies and making the occasional introspective statement. Carver City is they're newest album, that I haven't listened to yet. Apparently the titular city is a coastal getaway with it's fair share of bad luck and misfortune. Let's see how we enjoy our stay....

Commentary:

• And they got my head rocking on the first riff.
• "You'd surely disbelieve it"
• Does that work? Like grammatically? It sounds weird.
• Synth solo!
• Sounds like Dan Swano.
•  CKY with a melodic death metal touch? Fuck yeah.
• Oh and some power metal-ish vocals, yeaaaaaah!
• And now I'm remind of Duran Duran. They're all over the place.
• I want to dance. But he's singing about finding a dead body under the boardwalk.
• So I won't.
• I will forever think of My Name Is Earl... when I hear about the concept of karma. Thanks, Jason Lee.
• (Even if you are a crazy Scientologist.)
• I always forget that CKY likes to growl from time to time.
• He's gotten better at it.
• No album is complete without a song about a deadly rollerskating race.

Well, that was fun. Glad to see CKY hasn't changed much. They've always had a good natural progression in their sound and this album continues that.

Krom approves. (He digs rollerskating. SO WHAT BRO?)

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Bloodbath - Resurrection Through Carnage (Century Media, 2002)

This is it. This is the album that started my decent into death metal delirium. This is the reason I get weird looks when I answer the question: what kind of music do you listen to? This is the reason why I think that trying to growl like an evil cookie monster is a talent that I could maybe one day get paid for. So dear reader, this is the perfect choice for the first metal record to be featured on this majorly metallic site. Here's some back story for you. Bloodbath started as a drunken side project between my two favorite bands (Katatonia and Opeth). They released a three song EP and people loved it so they decided, hey, why the fuck not, let's do a whole album. And this is what they created. It's been there for me in good times and bad. Funny how the same thing can either make you all giddy or numb you to your troubles. But fuck this psychobabble bullshit, LET'S HAVE SOME FUN.

Commentary:

• And the guitars creep in slowly.........
• ROOOOOAAAAAAARR!!!!!!!!!
• Death metal is at it's best when you can groove to it.
• I always thought it was saying "maggots to boil" not "maggots to coil".
• Oh yeah, if you don't know, most death metal lyrics are pretty fucked up.
• But don't take it seriously. Think of it like a horror film, but instead it's music.
•  "You know I know no other way than to revel in your flesh."
• Almost sounds kind of sexy, doesn't it?
• Or am I just fucked up?
• I feel like I'm being sucked into quicksand.
• NOW IS MY TIME
• I love when the music cuts out for a second, leaving just the vocals and then it comes back and punches you in the back of the head.
• You know, I haven't read the lyrics for this in years. I forgot how brutally gory they can be.
• Harmony at it's best: High and low growls.
•  Also, seeing as how English is a second language for the entire band, some of the lyrics give you a "wait, what?" kind of feeling.
• Harmony at it's best again: Low growl and lower growl.
• I suddenly felt like I was in a carnival.
• Not. Good.
• Bathe In Blood? By Bloodbath? Who would have thought?!
•  Galloping triplets make me feel good.
• The fuck is hyper-death? Could it possibly be worse than regular death? Because that's just silly.
• So you're torturing me, you kill me, you let insects and vermin feast on my body. Okay, cool. But swallowing them yourself? Just because? That is where I draw the line, sir. Have some decency.
• (Sarcasm: Not really translating to text since either writing or sarcasm was invented (whichever came first).)
• It's been six years and I still have no idea what it means to be the horizon.
• Like the end? You are the end?
• That's the best I got.
• WAIT, SHADOWS CAN DIE?
• BUH BUH BUH BUH UGH.

Nothing like chainsaw guitars, growling vocals, and double bass drums to soothe the soul. I am still madly in love with this album. Hey, I forgot to mention, I actually have a tattoo based on the Bloodbath logo. Oh, you want to see it? Okay.

It says LYB. Just think Love Your Brother. That's basically the meaning. Death metal and friends. The things that got me through the day.

Krom approves. Or he would if he wasn't so busy headbanging hard enough to rearrange galaxies.

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Amanda Palmer - Who Killed Amanda Palmer? (Roadrunner, 2008)

What better way to start a blog of album reviews that will be mostly metal than with someone is possibly the most feminine artist I listen to? I found out about Miss Amanda Fucking Palmer though her now husband, writer Neil Gaiman (my current favorite author of books and comics, I have a great story about him, ask me about it sometime). Neil wrote a companion book for this album. She was a member of the Dresden Dolls and the one album I've listened to of theirs (Yes, Vriginia...) I adore (see, feminine artist means feminine verbs). This is her first solo album. So let's give it a listen, shall we?

Commentary: 

• "GO!" Best way to start an album, no matter what genre.
• Why the right arm?
• The upper half of a human, especially one you love, is a horrifying thing to have as a reminder.
• Who needs love when there's Southern Comfort? Me, fuck SoCo. Gross coughsyrup tasting trash, SoCo is.
• Though you are correct, if I had a wicked sandwich, I would not need love.
• So if Blake believes that we all go to Alaska when we die, does that mean we all go to hell?
• Chemistry references and "cum shot girls" in the same song? This is why I live you, Amanda.
• Public Service Announcement: Never watch Faces of Death. Especially not while making out.
• I really was not expecting a showtune to show up in the middle of the album. But it's there. And it makes me happy.
• "Oasis" was actually the first AFP song I ever heard. Up-beat and about an abortion, I was a fan immediately. Thanks, Renee.

That was fun. Just the right amount of sad and happy and fun and fast and slow and piano keys being hammered. Amanda always comes up with the best harmonies. And her obviously untrained voice knows the exact parts of my brain to punch. Lyrically, she always surprises me, I'm never bored by what she says or how she says it. I could keep going with this, but I think you get it. I love her and if it wasn't for the fact that she doesn't shave her armpits, I would track her down and fail to steal her from Neil Gaiman.

Krom approves.

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Welcome

So... This is going to be interesting. As it says to the side there, I have a lot of music I need to listen to. A little more than 70 gigs of it. The plan is to listen to one album every day and write a review of it. The form of the review is going to be very loose. I'll introduce the album, maybe give some background of the band, start listening, writing commentary as it plays and then give you my final thoughts. I would come up with some kind of ratings scale but I always have a hard time with those. If I do out of 5 then it's not specific enough and out of a hundred or something and it's too wide so whatever, fuck it.

And since I'm sure the title of this internet publication is confusing you, here is the song I ripped it off from:

It's appropriate because 1) anything from that song is always appropriate 2) I was dubbed Krom by a drunkard who approached my friends and I while we were hanging out outside of 7-11 late one night and 3) the music on this site will in fact be mostly metal.

And with that, I'll leave you with this immortal quote from the great Reggie Watts.

"You know how grape smoovys always be all cold n shit; and like humans be all like, "why dis be so cold?"?

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